Part 2: Indian Dad Chips Power Rankings 30 to 16
Chips are the greatest food. We've ranked the 46 best chips in North America. The rating system is completely and utterly accurate. Today is 16 to 30.
Check out Part 1 of the Rankings to see places 46→31.
The Methodology
Ok first a few reminders:
We started by having Chappy do some market research to determine the top selling chips (and related salty snacks) in Canada and the US
We dumped some chips from that list because they are objectively gross
I personally ranked all the chips according to three categories (each score was from 1-10):
Mouthfeel
Flavor
Overall
Each chip was given a Total Score which was equal to Mouthfeel + Flavor + 2 x Overall
I also invited six guest judges to participate. I received varying levels of input from these judges. They will heretofore be referred to as the Panel. While my rankings are what matters most (the Panel does not have their own blog so…) I will share the Panel’s thoughts in the interest of promoting a healthy discourse
You may not agree with the rankings. It’s likely cause you are wrong and have bad tastebuds. Perhaps they are malfunctioning.
PAQs (Possibly Asked Questions)
You have included some snacks that would not, by the literal definition, be defined as a “Chip”. How did you come up with the criteria of what would be included?
Terrific question. I made up the criteria.
What is the difference between the scoring categories? Mouthfeel vs. Flavor vs. Overall? Why is Overall different from Total Score? The dictionary defines Overall as “Taking everything into account or taken as a whole” and defines Total as “compromising the whole amount”.
First of all, that was more than one question. And it feels a little passive aggressive. Overall is basically “how the chip makes you feel”or alternatively, “the vibes”.
Why didn’t your esteemed panel rank every single chip?
Cause I need better friends. Or they have full time jobs and kids or something. It’s hard to know for sure.
Your blog seems all over the place. Some weeks you write about growth, or pop culture, or sports. Now chips. What exactly is your niche?
My niche is “Shut your face”.
Will you consider regularly updating these rankings?
If this article gets over 750 views, yes.
The Indian Dad Chip Power Rankings (IDCPR)
Let’s get into this. Each chip will be ranked according to my ranking, and we will include the Panel’s ranking as well. We’ve also included the top positive and negative reviews from either myself or the panel. Reminder you can check out the bottom 16 here.
30. Ruffles Creamy Dill
Indian Dad Rank: 30
Indian Dad Score: 26/40
Panel Rank: 5
Panel Average Score: 30/40
The Panel loves this chip and puts it in the top 5. I like this chip, but it’s not a top 5 chip. I’ve already said chips so many times in this paragraph.
Top Positive Review: N/A
Worst Negative Review: “Theoretically should be better”
The Panel felt so strongly about this top 5 chip, they didn’t have anything positive to say.
Ultimately the summary on this chip is that a Ruffle is delightful, dill pickle as a flavor category is generally pretty solid but this chip is less than the sum of its’ parts.
29. Tostitos Multigrain Rounds
Indian Dad Rank: 29
Indian Dad Score: 27/40
Panel Rank: 36
Panel Average Score: 19/40
I actually like this chip FAR more than my rating would imply. I’m actually starting to wonder if my rating system might be broken. I think I knocked them down cause I actually prefer them on their own, and like them less in a nacho, which seems blasphemous for a chip who’s very nature is purportedly to support the addition of cheese and salsa.
Top Positive Review: “Love these, but don't like them in nachos.”
Worst Negative Review: “Vessel for salsa. WTF?”
I’m gonna need a few minutes to recover after finding my multigrain rounds in 29th. I think this is a top 15 chip on it’s own. I might have to have a word with the author of these power rankings.
28. Tostitos Restaurant Style
Indian Dad Rank: 28
Indian Dad Score: 27/40
Panel Rank: 16
Panel Average Score: 26/40
These are a fabulous nacho chip, but no fun to eat on their own. They are too big for your mouth. You can risk some real damage on that little crevasse on the side of your mouth where your top lip joins your bottom lip.
Top Positive Review: “I like the bigger size to scoop dips”
Worst Negative Review: “They are too big for my mouth, if you know what I mean”
These are ranked higher than the multigrain rounds on account of the panel rank being the tiebreaker, but I’d rather buy the multigrain rounds 9/10. I expected controversy and disagreement with the rankings, I’m just a little surprised I’m disagreeing with myself.
27. Takis Fuego
Indian Dad Rank: 27
Indian Dad Score: 27/40
Panel Rank: 24
Panel Average Score: 24/40
This was one of the most polarizing chips amongst the panel. The lowest score was a 4/40 (the lowest rating of any chip) and the highest being 36/40 (almost perfect). This is pretty explainable. These chips are extremely spicy. Their slogan is actually “Takis Fuego Chips are the taste of fire.”
Top Positive Review: “Should have a warning for addicts”
Worst Negative Review: “So spicy they are inedible”
I also personally was quite torn on this chip. I gave them an “8” on Mouthfeel, an “8” on Flavor and a “5” Overall score. How does that make sense? Well, I think these are an 8/10 chip in your mouth, and a 5 /10 chip when it comes to your tummy and your bum bum.
26. Lay’s Salt and Vinegar
Indian Dad Rank: 26
Indian Dad Score: 28/40
Panel Rank: 12
Panel Average Score: 27/40
Salt and Vinegar chips are the Duke University of chip flavors. You either really love them or really hate them.
Top Positive Review: “The best salt and vinegar chip”
Worst Negative Review: “All Lay’s are inferior taste, but great chip”
This section is going to make my sister mad. She loves a salt and vinegar chip.
25. Ms. Vickie’s Salt and Vinegar
Indian Dad Rank: 25
Indian Dad Score: 28/40
Panel Rank: 7
Panel Average Score: 29/40
What do you get when you mix an extremely hard kettle style chip and a strong salt and vinegar flavor? Have you ever heard the phrase “salt in the wound”? That term was actually coined by the first person who ate this chip.
Top Positive Review: “Occasionally tricked into a Subway combo by this chip”
Worst Negative Review: “Cuts mouth, then the salt and vinegar is torture. I'd still eat them.”
The panel ranked this as a top 10 chip. It’s not.
24. Ruffles Sour Cream and Onion
Indian Dad Rank: 24
Indian Dad Score: 28/40
Panel Rank: 20
Panel Average Score: 25/40
I thought this chip would rank higher. But it didn’t.
That was not a clever or insightful take. Look I’m 23 chips into this ranking and I’m running out of interesting things to say. I’m about to say something I never thought I would, I might have taken on too many chips.
Top Positive Review: “Reminds me of my favorite chip when I was little”
Worst Negative Review: “Pretty good but hard to eat a lot”
People like this chip, but it’s not the among the very best of Ruffle.
23. Lay’s Barbecue
Indian Dad Rank: 23
Indian Dad Score: 28/40
Panel Rank: 32
Panel Average Score: 21/40
Ok we are now two chips into the real chips. Basically IMO the top 24 all include chips I would eat, no questions asked.
Top Positive Review: “Not the best or worst BBQ chip”
Worst Negative Review: “I don't know, sort of mushy is what I think.”
22. Kettle Brand Salt and Fresh Ground Pepper
Indian Dad Rank: 22
Indian Dad Score: 28/40
Panel Rank: 9
Panel Average Score: 28/40
This is a sneaky good chip and proof that sometimes the best chip flavors are uncomplicated.
Top Positive Review: “Steady”
Worst Negative Review: “Steady”
These chips are obviously steady.
21. Ms. Vickie’s Spicy Dill Pickle
Indian Dad Rank: 21
Indian Dad Score: 28/40
Panel Rank: 3
Panel Average Score: 30/40
The Panel loves this as a top three chip. I think it’s a good chip, but a little lazy. We have been seeing a recent trend of adding “Spicy” to traditional flavors like BBQ, Ketchup, Dill Pickle, Cheddar and more. It’s the chip flavor equivalent of the Marvelization of Hollywood. Good, but sometimes a sequel just doesn’t hit like the original.
Top Positive Review: “Yummy but too hard (author’s note - That’s what she said)”
Worst Negative Review: “I'm not about this one. But mouthfeel is always superior with Ms. Vickie’s (author’s note - That’s what he said)”
20. Ms. Vickie’s Sweet Chili and Sour Cream
Indian Dad Rank: 20
Indian Dad Score: 29/40
Panel Rank: 6
Panel Average Score: 29/40
Five years ago I would have had these in my top 5. Then I think I ate too many of them. Also, as I get older maybe my mouth is just more susceptible to getting cut up by a hard chip.
Top Positive Review: “Best chip that isn’t a cheezie”
Worst Negative Review: “Great flavor. Too crunchy.”
19. Cheetos Classic
Indian Dad Rank: 19
Indian Dad Score: 30/40
Panel Rank: 14
Panel Average Score: 26/40
We are in the top 20 baby! No one is happier than the person who somehow thought rating 46 chips would not get repetitive. We are in the top 20 baby!
You might be thinking to yourself, “Excuse me Indian Dad, but is a Cheeto actually a chip?” Scroll up to the first PAQ.
Top Positive Review: “Less Underwhelming”
Worst Negative Review: “Ok”
Even the panel reviews are getting apathetic at this point. Everyone is tired and bloated, mentally.
18. Sun Chips French Onion
Indian Dad Rank: 18
Indian Dad Score: 30/40
Panel Rank: 22
Panel Average Score: 25/40
I correctly rated the Sun Chip Harvest Cheddar very low in the rankings. Once upon a time their French cousins would have been a top ten chip for me. A common dinner I had in my twenties was block of cheese, French Onion Sun Chips and a vegetable. You could argue I was biohacking before it was cool.
Top Positive Review: “I think it’s probably my eating them as a meal comment from earlier”
Worst Negative Review: “Always angry when I find any Sun Chip in my Munchies handful”
17. El Sabroso Guacachip
Indian Dad Rank: 17
Indian Dad Score: 30/40
Panel Rank: 34
Panel Average Score: 20/40
These chips are green as hell. And delicious.
Top Positive Review: “Green is good”
Worst Negative Review: “A chip needs to stand on it's own two chip-feet. This needs salsa.”
This chip definitely does not need Salsa. Need a new panel.
16. Kettle Brand Dill Pickle
Indian Dad Rank: 16
Indian Dad Score: 31/40
Panel Rank: 8
Panel Average Score: 29/40
Our third dill pickle (so far) in the top 30.
Top Positive Review: “Solid chip”
Worst Negative Review: “Hard to eat too many”
The number 1 chip of the middle of the rankings, this is exactly like the Raptors having the first pick of day 2 of the NBA Draft last June.
To Be Continued…
This concludes Part 2 of our three part rankings. Next week the top 15 drops.
Next time there’s no way I’m writing a top 46.
How’s Chappy?
Well he’s making me a cartoon villain, with a mustache:
IYKYK:
I will wait to see your top 15. But I'm not sure that I want to live in a world where Takis Fuego and Ms Vickie's salt & vinegar aren't top 10.
Your panel is broken. Lay’s SVC should be top 5, no questions asked. Also Ruffles SCAO.